Parents and Children: the refusal to perform the role of

Parents and Children: the refusal to perform the role of 

Doing what you want in any situation and not turn it in the role, which can be identified - the essence of a lesson on the art of living. Each of us was there to learn that lesson. You become the most powerful and effective that you do, when to perform the action for the sake of action, but not when it turns into a means of protecting and enhancing their identification with a role or a desire to adjust for it. Any role - is a fictional, imaginary self, but through it all is personified, and therefore susceptible to degradation and distortions, which has formed in the mind "little me" and any of his role that he brought to play. 

Most people who hold positions of power of this world - politicians, TV hosts, and business and religious leaders - all identified with their roles, although there are very rare, but notable exceptions. They can be VIP persons, but it is not more than unconscious players egotipicheskoy game, seemingly so important and significant, and at the same time, completely devoid of any true purpose.

Recognition of parents of their children

Recognition of parents of their children 

You're a human being. What does this mean? Mastery of life - is not a question of governance, but a question of finding the balance between man and existent. Mother, father, husband, wife, young, old, the role that you play function, which is running, you have everything you're doing - belongs to the human dimension. All of this is the place and this must be respected, but only realized, truly meaningful relationship or life one will never be enough. One of the human dimension is quite insufficient, how would you he tried and what would not reached. There existence. It can be found alone in the vigilant presence of the Consciousness, Consciousness, what you are. Man - this form. Existence of shapeless. Man and existence is not separated from each other, they merged. 

In the human dimension of you, no doubt, surpass their child. You're bigger, stronger, more familiar, more than you can. If you're familiar with only this dimension, then you will unconsciously feel superior to the child, unconsciously did make him feel as though he were following you. Between you and the child is no equality, because your relationship is only the form but in the form of you, of course, are not equal. You can love your child, but your love is only human, in other words, conditional, possessive, impulsive, spasmodic, intermittent. You are only outside forms in existence, and true love in your relationship may appear only when you discover it has no form of measurement in itself, detect the presence of what is timeless I Am, recognizes itself in another. And at the same time another, in this case, the child will feel his love, in other words, recognize. 

Love - is seeing yourself in another. Then the "otherness" of another is perceived as an illusion inherent in the purely human world, the world of forms. Passionate desire to love, living in every child - is a passionate desire to be recognized not at the level of forms, but on the level of existence. If the parents of favor only the human dimension of the child, and they neglect the existence, the child will feel that their relationship is not fully implemented, that they lacked something absolutely essential to life, and then the baby starts growing pain, and sometimes on to their parents appears unconscious hostility. "Why do you not recognize me?" - That seems to say this pain and animosity. 

When another recognizes you, then both of you through this recognition even more attracted to the world of measurement of Being. It's love returning to the world. I talked about it, with particular emphasis on your relationship with your child, but this, of course, equally applicable to any relationship. It says: "God is love", but it's not quite true. God - is the One Life in and out of its myriad forms. Love implies duality: lover and beloved, subject and object. Therefore, love - this is the recognition of unity in the dual world. This is the birth of God, His coming into the world of forms. Love makes the world less worldly, less dense, making it more transparent to the divine dimension, the light of consciousness itself.

Parents and Children: Planned Parenthood

Parents and Children: Planned Parenthood 

Many children have latent anger and hostility toward parents, and often the reason for this is no real relationship with them. The child has a deep strong desire that his father was a man, not the role, as if he did not faithfully executed. For your child you can do everything in your power and do it right, but even that is not enough. In fact, doing is never enough if you despised existent. The ego knows nothing about their existing, but believes that doing will save you. If you are trapped in the clutches of the ego, you believe that making more and more, you eventually accumulate enough "made" so that someday in the future, feel happy. Fail. You just uvyaznesh in the making. The entire civilization is caught in the making, the basis of which is not being, but because it is doing in vain. 

How can you make in life being is a restless and fussy family, relationship with his child? The key is to give the child attention. There are two types of attention. The basis of the first type is the form. Another type of attention is not associated with the form. Attention, based on form, always, one way or another connected with the making of, or assessment. "You have done your homework? Go to dinner. Take away in his room. Toothpaste. Loans to those. Stop it. Make haste, prepare. What should we do next? This question fairly accurately sums up what looks like life in most families. Attention-based form, of course, necessary, and it finds its place, but if the relationship with the child there is nothing else, you lose the most important dimension to the life and being is completely obscured by doing, or, as Jesus said, "worldly cares . Attention is not associated with the form, is inseparable from the measurement of Being. How it works 

When you look at a child, listening to him, touch him or help him one way or another - you are alert, calm, completely prisutstvuesh not want anything other than the given moment - such as it is. So you create a space for Being. At this moment, if you prisutstvuesh, you're not a mother and father. You - vigilance, readiness, calm presence, who listens, looks, touches, even speaks. You - for being is doing.

Allowing Children To experience "suffering"

Allowing Children To experience "suffering" 

They came into this world through you, but they are not "yours". The belief "I know that for you better, could be true only when they are very small, but what they were older, the less truth in this. The more you have expectations about how their lives should unfold, the more you have in mind. It is better to be present for them. In the end, they will make mistakes, and, like all people, will be in one form or another to suffer. 

In fact, it would be an error only from your point of view. The fact that you seem a mistake, it may be exactly what your children need to do or experience. Afford them such assistance, and let as much guidance as to your best, but bear in mind that from time to time you'll have to let them make mistakes, especially when they are on the verge of adulthood. Sometimes you can also allow them to suffer. It may fall on them like a bolt from the sky, or a consequence of their own mistakes. Will there be great if you can save them from suffering? No, I will not. Then they can develop as human beings, and will remain shallow, superficial, as identified by their appearance and belongings. Suffering leads to depth. The paradox is that suffering comes from identification with form, and it is this identification breaks. Much suffering comes from the ego, but ultimately, suffering itself leads to a blurring of the ego - if, of course, you suffered enough. 

Humanity is destined to go beyond suffering, but not like thinking of the ego. One of the many erroneous ideas, misleading, is this: "I do not have to suffer. Sometimes this idea is transferred to someone from the family - "My child should not suffer." At the core of suffering is this very idea. Suffering has a noble purpose: the evolution of consciousness and the burning of the ego. Man on the cross - is the archetypal image, it is every man and woman. Resisting the suffering, you delay the process, because the resistance only increases the ego, you want to burn. 

When you take pain, the result is that you begin to suffer consciously, the process is accelerated. You can take your own pain or suffering of someone else, for example, your child or parent. In the conscious suffering has already been laid transformation. The fire of suffering becomes the light of consciousness. Ego said: "I do not have to suffer." And this very thought makes you suffer much more. This perversion of the truth, and truth are always paradoxical. It is this: to get out of suffering, you first need to enter it, tell him "yes."

Parents: Role or Function?

Parents: Role or Function? 

Many adults, talking with young children, play a role. They pronounce the words stupid and pointless emit sounds. They talk with your child down. They do not treat the child as an equal. The fact that you still know more, or that you're bigger does not mean that the child is not equal to you. Most adults, realizing at some point in their lives that they have become parents, and, therefore, must "conform" to this, come into one of the most versatile roles. The most important question is: Are you able to fulfill parental responsibilities, and execute it well, while not identifying with this function, that is not turning it into a role? 

Essential functions of the parent - is to ensure the needs of the child, watch that he was not in danger, and from time to time to tell him what to do and what not to do. However, when parenting becomes an identification, when your sense of self entirely or largely derived from it, then this function can easily become too high, it becomes exaggerated, and grabs you. The desire to give children the necessary becomes excessive and becomes a fad. Obereganie them from dangerous situations becomes sverhopeku, which prevents them from exercising to learn and explore the world. Explaining to children that need and what not to do, turns into a controlling and authoritarian leadership. 

Moreover, identified with the role of parent persists after the need for carrying out these functions disappears. In this case, the parents can not stop being parents, even when their child becomes an adult. They can not abandon its needs in that it continues to need them. Even if he was over forty, the parents can not get rid of the thought "I know that for you better." They unwittingly continue to perform the role of parents, so they have no real relationship with their adult child. They define themselves through this role, and unconsciously afraid to lose this identification, if you cease to be parents. 

When their desire to control their adult children or to influence his action meets with opposition - as it usually happens - they start it or to criticize or express disapproval of, or attempt to make him feel guilty - and all this in an unconscious attempt to assert its role and their identification. From the side it looks as if they are concerned about your child, what is absolutely sure, but in fact concerned only with maintaining their role-identification. Any egotipicheskaya motivation aimed at increasing self-worth. It is accompanied by actions in their own interests, sometimes cleverly disguised, even from himself, that is, from the one in whom this ego function. 

Mother and father, to identify with the role of parents, may try to compensate for their own piecemeal through the children, sending them the need for parental ego someone to manipulate. Their aim is to make children feel a sense of failure, which is the usual condition of the parent ego. If the bulk of the unconscious parents' expectations and motivations, which is manifested on the background of obsessive need to manipulate children, was recognized and announced, it would have something like: "I want you to reach what could not reach me. I want to be in the eyes of the world you are someone else has, then through you I, too, can someone be. Do not deprive me of hope. I sacrificed so much for you. The purpose of my discontent that in you a sense of guilt and discomfort, and that you finally fulfilled my wishes. And certainly, I know that you will be better. I love you and will love you more, if you do what I feel for you right ". 

Perceiving such unconscious motivation consciously, you immediately understand how they are absurd. Behind them the ego with all its functional disorders becomes apparent. Some parents, with whom I ever talk suddenly came to an understanding: "My God, am I really doing this?" As soon as you start to see what you do, or did until now, you will immediately become apparent futility of such a course of action, but at the same time becomes visible and the unconscious pattern of behavior, which as a result of its understanding of itself comes to an end. Awareness - is the most powerful force for change. 

If your parents come to you this way, do not tell them that they are unconscious and are in thrall to the ego. This will make them more conscious awareness, because the ego will defend their positions. You have enough to admit that they have egos, and that it is not those who they are. Egotipicheskie behaviors, even long-standing, if you do not protivodeystvuesh them internally, sometimes dissolve almost miraculously. Countering only gives them new strength. But even if they do not dissolve, you still can with compassion to take the behavior of parents. You will not need to respond to it, or, in other words, to personify it. 

Also aware of their own unconscious assumptions and expectations behind the same behavioral reactions. "Parents probably approve of my actions. They should understand me and take it to those who I am. " Really? Why should they? The fact is that they should not, because they can not. Their growing consciousness has not yet committed a quantum leap in the level of awareness. They are not yet able razotozhdestvitsya their roles. "Yes, but until I get their approval and understanding, I can not be happy and feel comfortable in relation to who I am." Really? As their approval or disapproval may affect who you are? All of these unexplored assumptions cause many negative emotions, as well as deep and quite unnecessary feeling of unhappiness. 

Be vigilant. Are not Somewhere in your mind of thought embedded in his thoughts of your parents, I tell you, perhaps something like: "You're not good enough. You're never nothing can become significant, or other judgments and mental attitudes? If you have mindfulness, you will be able to recognize the voice in my head and see it: an old idea, due to the past. If you have mindfulness, you no longer need to trust each coming up with the idea. This is just an old idea, not more. 

Awareness - this presence, and only presence can dissolve the unconscious past in you. Ram Dass said: "If you consider yourself enlightened, go and stay a week with their parents. This is good advice. Relationships with parents - is not only the source relations, set the tone in all other respects, but also a good test of your degree of Presence. The more you've had past, the more you have to be present, otherwise you again and again you'll have to revive that past.

Can we turn dependent relationship in the present?

From attachment to enlightenment Relations 

Can we turn dependent relationship in the present? 

Sure. Exists in the present, to deepen and strengthen our presence, as far as possible shifting the focus of attention at the time is now: even matter how you live: alone or with a partner - in any case the presence is a key element. For to love blossomed, the light of your presence be so strong, so that your thinking ego or body-pain were not able to pull you out of time now, and that you accidentally did not accept them for who you are. To know herself as a being outside of the thinking ego, as calm, standing for the mental noise, like love and joy behind the pain - that is freedom, salvation, enlightenment. Razotozhdestvit itself and the body-pain means to bring this pain presence and thus to transform it. Razotozhdestvit themselves to the thinker, then become a silent observer of their thoughts and their behavior, particularly in the endlessly repeated play patterns of their mind, as well as the means to become an observer of the roles that are performed by the ego. 

If you stop stuffed egos of his "self", the mind loses its compulsive quality, which mainly manifests itself as a tiresome habit of blame and, thereby, to resist what is, and that creates conflict, drama and new pain. In fact, at the very moment when, through the adoption of what is, you cease to judge, it becomes free from the mind. That you create the space for love, for joy, for peace and quiet. First of all, stop condemning himself, then stop condemn partner. The most powerful catalyst for change in relations is the full acceptance of his partner as he is, freed from the need to condemn or to remake it one way or syak. It immediately makes you beyond ego. All the mind games finished, done away with the affection and dependence. There are no more victims and abusers, judges and prisoners. This will put an end to any interdependence, become involved in the implementation of and complicity in the implementation of someone else's unconscious behavior, and thus put an end to the continuation of all this. Then you either are separating - in love - or even further along will leave at the moment is now - in being. Really, so simple? Yes, that simple. 

Love - is a state of being. Your love is not outside - it is deep within you. You never lose it, but she will never leave you. It does not depend on any external shape, or any other body who turned down beside you. In the calm of your presence you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as undeveloped life, and that fills your physical body. Then you get to deeply feel the same life in any other man, and even any other creature. You look behind the scenes of forms and their disunity. This is the realization of one-in-common. This is love. 

What is God? This is an eternal one-in-One Life outside and inside all life forms. What is love? This is the feeling that this one-in-One Life deep within yourself and within all beings. What does it mean to love? That means - to be love. Because all love - a love Boga.Lyubov not selective, as well as indiscriminate sunlight. She nobody checks and does not special. Love is not exclusive. Exclusivity - this is not the love of God is "love" of ego. However, the force with which the love is felt can vary. It happens that a man reflects to you sent you love is clearer and stronger than others, and if that person is experiencing the same feelings towards you, then we can say that you are with him or her in romantic relationships. Communication that connects you with this person, the same that connects you with any other, say, sitting side by side in the bus, or a bird or a tree or a flower. The only difference is in force, that you feel. 

Even in some of the other dependent relations are times when shines through them something real, something worthwhile for the interdependence of the needs in each other. These are moments when both your mind and mind your partner for a short time stops, and body pain becomes dormant

Relationships: Harmful Attachment

Relationships: Harmful Attachment 

Why should we be attached to another person? 

The reason why the romantic love relationships are so strong, so intense and always in demand is the fact that they appear bearing exemption from deeply hidden in the human feelings of fear, need, deficiency and inferiority, which are part of human existence in its uncoated form and unrealized . In addition, there are physical and psychological aspects of this condition. 

On the physical plane, clearly you are piecemeal, and never will be internally consistent: for you are either a man or a woman, and this, as they say, half of the whole. In this regard, the desire for integrity, a return to unity, manifested in the form of sexual attraction - a man want a woman, a woman - a man. It's almost irresistible desire to reunite with the opposite energy polarity. The root of this physical attraction - the spiritual: a strong desire to put an end to duality and return to a state of integrity. Sexual contact allows you to closest approach to this state on the physical plane. That is why it is the strongest sense, which only can give us the physical reality. But sexual intercourse is no more than a fleeting glimpse of integrity, a moment of bliss. Because it is unconsciously perceived as a means of salvation, it turns out that the end of this duality, you start looking at the world of forms, that is, where it can not be found. You have granted a tantalizing, exciting, fleeting glimpse of thee for a moment shows a paradise, but to dwell in it are not permitted, and in addition to all this, you will again notice that resides in a separate body. 

In psychological terms a sense of inadequacy and inferiority is even something much more than the physical. Because you identify yourself with reason, that feeling you get yourself outside. Indeed, a sense of who you are, what you get is the fact that, ultimately, does not have any relation to you: that is, from their social role, marital property, appearance, successes and failures of the system of religion and etc. This false self or ego, created by the mind, feels vulnerable, endangered, and always prowling in search of something new, identification with what will allow him to feel that it exists. But in order to ensure his long existence, always something missing, and nothing and is never enough. Therefore, his fear never disappears, his sense of failure and needs always. 

And now there are these special relationships. It creates the impression that they bring with them a solution to all problems of ego and meet all his needs. At least so it seems at first. Everything else, from which you removed the first of its sense of itself, now becomes relatively unimportant. Now you have a single focus of attention, which supersedes all others, gives meaning to your life, and through which you find his identity: personality, which you are "in love". Now you are no longer an isolated fragment of indifferent universe, or is at least so you think. Now is the center of your world: only adored. And the fact that this center is located outside, and for that reason you have an existing sense of self is still continues to flow from the outside, at first did not seem to have meaning. Important is that lying under all these feelings of inadequacy, fear, failure and lack of implementation, so characteristic of the selfish state is no longer - or do they have? Surely they were dissolved, or still exist below the plane happy reality? 

If you experience their relationship and "love" and its opposite, that is, attacks, emotional abuse, etc., it seems that you have mistaken for love and affection of the ego its physical dependence. You can not love your partner, and the next moment to attack him or her. True love has no opposites. If your "love" is opposed, then it is not love but a strong need for ego in a more complete and deeper sense of yourself, it's your needs that other people just always satisfies. This replaces the release of the ego, and for some very short time it really seemed almost like a liberation. 

But there comes a time when your partner begins to behave in a way that does not meet your needs or, more precisely, the needs of your ego. Feelings of pain, fear and emptiness, are integral parts of egoistic consciousness, but until recently covered "love relationships", once again emerge on the surface. Just as with the drug, while there is a drug, you're on top, but inevitably there comes a time when the drug ceases to act on you. And when the painful feelings come back, you begin to experience them more acutely than before, and even more so, now you perceive your partner as the cause of these feelings. This means that you proetsiruesh them outward and attack him with all the cruelty that has become part of your pain. This attack may awaken their own pain of your partner and he or she can give you a date. At this point, the ego still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts to manipulate would be punishment enough for your partner, may prompt them to change their behavior so that it again could use them as cover for his pain. 

Any attachment stems from the subconscious refusal to meet publicly with their own pain and go through it. Any attachment with the pain and the pain begins and ends. What would you have felt any affection - to alcohol, food, permitted or prohibited drugs, or a man - you use it is something and that someone else in order to cover up their pain. That is why after the initial euphoria is an intimate relationship, in which there is so much misery and so much pain. By themselves, these relationships are not the cause of pain and unhappiness. They dragged out the pain and the misery that is already in you. Similarly, the effect any other attachment. Any attachment inevitably comes to the point where it no longer has no effect on you, and then you feel his pain much more acutely than ever before. 

This is one reason why most people avoid at all times now and try to find at least some salvation in the future. The first thing they might encounter, they will focus their attention on the present moment, would be their own pain, but this is exactly what they fear most. If they only knew how easy staying in the moment now, to gain access to the power of presence, which would dissolve the past with all its pain, as well as to the reality, which will dispel the illusion. If they only knew how they are close to their own reality as they are close to God. 

Avoidance of relationships in order to avoid the pain - also not an option. The pain is in any case. Three failures in the relationship for the same years were more likely to push you to the awakening than three years on a desert island or three years he spent locked up. However, If you can make a rich presence in her loneliness, then for you it too will begin to work.